A Lesson from God

I have trouble sometimes understanding spiritual matters. I pray and read and attend church, but I struggle to grasp some of the loftier ideas. Then once in a while, God shows me something so simple that I smack my head. Of course it would be wonderful to understand the many layers of Christ’s teachings, but perhaps the basics are enough for me to handle right now. And what better way to get something through my thick skull than to use parenting as the example. After all, that’s what I do. That’s what I am… a parent. I can identify.

 My latest lesson came about during the current stage of my life. If you have older kids, you know the stage I mean. Some of the hands-on part of parenting is tapering off and I’m watching our five children begin to live their lives as young adults.  Three are college-age living in different towns and two are still in high school. This year, everyone was home for Thanksgiving, Christmas and several other weekend breaks. We’ve always had great family time. We love the holiday rituals which have been in place since the kids were young. We enjoy talking, eating, and laughing together.  But, for the last year or so I have been anxiously watching my offspring. Specifically, I’m watching their relationships with each other.

I’m wondering about those days and months between the festivities. I can’t help but notice the siblings are moving in very different directions. Will they stay in touch? Will they go out of their way to be interested in each others’ lives? Will they call on one another for help? Will they offer help without being called? I hope…I pray they do all these things. I see them beginning to and it makes me feel so much love for them. It makes me feel happy and proud and so blessed. My husband and I have loved and cherished them, now they are following our example with each other.

Then, it dawned on me. As God’s children, this is exactly what we must do. Love one another. Look out for our brothers and sisters. God has loved us and taught us how to love. He has protected us and blessed us and now it’s our turn to reflect those things by loving one another. As strongly as I want my children to care for each other, how much more does our Father in heaven want His children to do the same?

So let’s collectively smack our heads and start living in a manner that is pleasing to God, our Father. Let’s be good sons and daughters. By staying in touch, being interested in one another, helping out when needed even when our lives take us in different directions. It is so simple and so right.

Small People Love Small Places

It was a great day when my husband brought home a big, empty box from the appliance store! There were three preschoolers in the family at the time and they took one look and knew just what they wanted. They wanted to be inside that box! The cardboard lasted a couple of weeks before falling to bits. It became a play house, pirate ship, and school bus.

Then there was the two month period when my daughter practically lived in the wooden cradle we brought home for her soon-to-be little brother. She took everything she needed into that cradle to stay busy: toys, crayons, books, stuffed animals. Busy, she stayed. And happy, too, for quite a while every day!

As our children got to be a little older, they still gravitated toward those spots that made their play more private, cozy. In the yard, was a huge cedar tree with drooping branches. The ground under the tree was soft and dry. It was a great place to play, hidden away from the rest of the world.

I always thought it was cute to see kids playing happily in a place all their own. But now, I realize there was more to it than that. Kids need to feel safe and in control of their surroundings now and then. As an adult, can you imagine what it would feel like to experience something new every day in a giant, noisy world? I know I get overwhelmed sometimes by the fast pace and extreme-ness of life. My safe place is the snug corner of my couch. I often go there with a piping hot cup of coffee!

Of course, we as parents want to challenge and stimulate our children. We want them to keep exploring and experiencing our giant, noisy, wonderful world. They do have to grow up after all!

But, there are also times when we need to provide them with an environment they can totally manage on their own. Let them feel safe in a niche just their size. Give them a place where they can create and pretend. You’ll be amazed at the growing that can take place there, too.  

So what do you say? Isn’t today a good day to drape that bed sheet over the table and watch the kids disappear into their own little kingdom?

                             

You Never Know When They're Listening

As a young adult, I’d been around kids a lot. I had worked as a nanny and in preschools, daycares, and camp programs. Then I had my first child, a girl. And she was as cute as a button! However, I soon found out that bringing home my own little person to care for was different from anything I had experienced. Plus, this child was nothing like me. She didn’t like to sleep…my favorite thing. She didn’t like to eat… also my favorite thing. And she didn’t like to ride in the car…I never screamed my head off during an entire two hour drive! The best way to describe her behavior is to say that she seemed to be really, really annoyed by the fact that she was a baby. (Now, when my second child was born, he spent a lot of time sleeping and rolling around playing with his toes. He enjoyed being a baby!)

Naptime and bedtime were daily battles with my daughter. I spent a long time reading, rocking, singing, standing on my head – whatever it took – to get her to close her eyes. When I was near exhaustion, she would finally drift off for her usual 30 minute nap! I developed the habit of bending over her when I was positive she was asleep and whispering very softly in her ear, “Mommy loves you so much.” I’m not sure if this was to remind her or me of my love after the prolonged agony of night-night time. Either way, I did love her so much at that quiet moment and wanted to tell her. It was a ritual that I continued throughout the years with my other four children.

One day I eavesdropped on that two year old as she played with her doll. I watched as she fed the baby and tickled and rocked her.  Then, when my daughter decided it was nap time, she put the doll down on a blanket. As I continued to watch, I saw an amazing thing. My daughter leaned over that baby doll and whispered in her ear, “Mommy loves you so much”! I couldn’t believe it! She was too young and too ornery to feign sleep when I was whispering those words in her ear! So, how did she know?  I can only think that she must have heard me even as she slept.

I look back at all those child-raising years and remember the talks, explanations, and lectures I handed out to my five children. I find myself wondering if they heard any of it. Did they listen? Did they understand? You know, mothers worry about these things.

Then I recall that little two year old girl whispering to her dolly and I think perhaps they did hear.  And perhaps they were listening when I said  the most important words of all.

                             

Be a Stegosaurus

I discovered pretty early on that kids love to-do lists. Just like adults, they feel that sense of accomplishment when they mark a task as being completed. I began using a chalk board to make daily lists for my children when they were young. Items included school work, chores, and some fun activities. When a friend came by the house one day, he looked at the board. He questioned something on my son’s list. No. 4 read “Be a Stegosaurus”. He was so amused by my choice of words. Why hadn’t I written “Pretend to be a Stegosaurus” or “Act like a Stegosaurus”? I laughed about it at the time as my son roared at us from the other room. How does one Be a Stegosaurus? It involves taking on the characteristics and habits of a stegosaurus. There would be some studying involved. Practicing, emulating, and then being.

 I think there’s a pretty good lesson here. If we desire our child (or ourselves for that matter) to become a person of honorable character, why not encourage him to “be” that person? It may seem false to act courageous or honest, or generous if you haven’t practiced those traits before.  But it’s the first step to becoming those things.  

So, as my children grow older, I no longer make to-do lists for them. But, I pray that they continue to practice the axioms we’ve talked about for years.   

As they leave the house each day for school, work and sporting events, I want to give them some encouraging words. I think that rather than “Have a good day” or even “Do the right thing”, I’ll try pumping my fist in the air and shouting “Be a Stegosaurus!”

The Importance of Being Quiet

I encouraged my children to spend some quiet time each day when they were young. Well, that’s not exactly true…I required them to spend quiet time every day. It was on the to-do list that had to be completed before they were free to play. It was mandatory. With five kids, one may think I just needed some peace in order to keep my sanity. That was a nice benefit, but I actually have a strong belief that kids need to practice being quiet! And I don’t mean using ear phones to listen to music or play video games so no one else will be bothered. I mean real, true silence. 

When the weather was nice, I sent all the kids outside. Each one found a private spot to be alone in the quiet. Sometimes they took journals or sketch pads and climbed into the branches of a tree or settled in a shady spot next to the shed. It really didn’t matter as long as the children were cut off from the craziness of the world, for just a bit.  I wanted them to have the chance to hear their own thoughts and form their own ideas, and to pray. It’s really hard to pray in a high tech world. I set a timer then called them in when the buzzer sounded. They always seemed happy and energized upon returning. I never asked what they thought about or wrote about in their journals. I knew it was time well-spent.

As parents, we do our best to plant seeds in our young children. Then we pray the seeds take root. As my children grow into young ladies and men, I hope this is one of my plantings that truly stays with them. I hope they always remember the importance of being quiet.

Evidence of a Toddler's Day

I remember my husband asking if it was time for our two year old to take more responsibility cleaning up her toys. Of course I knew it was time. She was actually pretty good at following directions. And she understood the whole idea of picking up after oneself. So, with a newborn to care for, why wasn’t I embracing the idea and taking advantage of my daughter’s compliant nature? I’ll tell you why.

It had to do with nighttime. Once the children were asleep, the world slowed down. I felt the tension go out of my shoulders. I found myself smiling as I remembered something cute my daughter said.  I chatted with my husband, giving him the highlights of my day. We quietly moved through the house cleaning up before we settled down for some grown-up time.

In the living room, we came across a family of stuffed bears where my daughter had been playing. She sang her first original song to the family of bears that day, entitled One by Heart. There was a basket, filled with a collection of play food she had chosen at the pretend grocery store. And in a corner of the room, we came across a beautiful, symmetrical design made of beaded necklaces and gaudy clip-on earrings. My daughter had neatly arranged the pieces on an over sized book. It looked like a framed piece of art. I didn’t even catch the little sculptor at work on that. As I put the things away I felt as if I were erasing the evidence of my daughter’s day. One that had passed so quickly.

 I cherished that nighttime ritual. Somehow, when telling my husband about our day, I forgot how messy, loud, and exhausting some parts had been. Instead, I focused on the happy evidence strewn about the living room as I once more vowed “Tomorrow, she starts cleaning up her own toys.” Well…maybe.